The Glamour Of Big Cities

I haven't felt very art-y lately. Everything I draw I get a headache. So, instead, I'll post my opinion on something that's always bothered me. I am writing this as a kinda rant, so it hasn't been edited and I don't care. Its something that bothers me.

I don't make is an unknown fact that I was born in New York City. I lived, until I was 7, in the Bronx borough.

I do not like New York City. I won't say hate, since that's such a strong word, but I don't like it at all.

That is not to say I don't have good memories of the place. I do. I remember the Dona and her excellent cooking. I remember playing Super Nintendo at my cousin's. I remember the little bakery with the best carrot cake I have ever had.

New York City, for me, is a bit of a trap. Like a bug-light, it's bright lights and city life attracts thousands of people. Then they learn that New York City, for all her glory, is not at all how they imagined. Really, the most realistic portrayals of NYC come from Law & Order. Constant gang wars, tons of murders, constant police sirens.

I do realize there is a bit of an issue in that I was only a child when I was in New York. But I was forced to be a recluse, and I've always been smart and I realized that everything about New York City the movies and shows told me were lies. Yes, I realize I sound bitter, and, I guess, I am.

NYC can be the place of opportunities and glamour. But only if you're privileged. Only if you live in Manhattan. But while living there, I saw, first hand, that those opportunities were tightly locked against the poor. My family's best moment was moving, of all the states, to Michigan.

Where would I be if my family were still in New York City? Probably pregnant, in a roach-infested shithole, living with my mom and not being able to get into a college. My sister and I have discussed this at length. We both understand how lucky we were to move to Michigan.

Its why I defend Michigan, even though I wasn't born here. It got my family out of THAT. Out of apartments, out of the smog, out of the crime, out of everything terrible I remember. I learned how to ride my bike when I was 8-9 because I was never allowed outside in NYC. How sad is that?

This all leads to my apex of my rambling: "OMFG G.R./MICHIGAN IS SO BORING NYC/CHICAGO/LOS ANGELES/MIAMI IS SO MUCH BETTAR".

Are you serious?

I guess my bitterness is making it hard for me to think objectively about it. I suppose I sorta understand that need to go to a big city. But, at the same time, everyone I know who has lived in these big cities hated it. Then again, I guess my sources are biased. They were all the underprivileged. The people who had murders on their stoops, the people who never spent more time than they had to in the streets in fear of being murdered. Those who didn't go out at night, knowing it was an invitation to being mugged.

I'm happy. I have never felt so safe than here in this midwestern mid-sized city. Crime is low. Our ghettos are the suburbs in the big cities. There are trees everywhere. It doesn't smell like trash here.

I'm not against visiting big cities. But I am against people spitting on their home place without truly understanding that, sometimes, a quiet midwestern town is better than the siren-filled smog palaces of Big Cities.

For example, when I went to school in NYC there was a gang war between two of America's most dangerous gangs- the Bloods and the Crips. We were banned from wearing their colors to school. I was at an elementary school and there was always a cop searching through it.

Here? You can walk through gang territory and they won't even care. Over in New York? That's enough to get beat up and mugged.

I don't know, and I know I'm rambling. I just wanted to say that don't believe that NYC is that great. Because, and this is as honest as I can make it, my little midwestern city has been greater than NYC any day.

In my memories, whenever I think of New York City everything's this...like dull blue color. A very melancholy feeling follows those thoughts. Its...what I make of it, I suppose.

Sorry for the ranting rambling this post was.

And if you're curious no I have no desire to visit big cities like so many of my peers. Instead I want to visit the mountains of Colorado, and the marshlands of Florida, and the redwood forests of California.

Sorry

No art today. Hung out with Reggie. Have an absolutely killer migraine. Going to sleep it off some more. Here's to hoping tomorrow its better.

belgh

What a blah day. Slept through something important for work, but thankfully I can make it up. I had a dentist appointment. I swear I won't have molars left at this point. Then I had to drop my brother off for a soccer game and then take my other brother to his orientation. They opened with how to pronounce 'economicology'. I almost cried.

Also found out that my family thinks I'm going out with my friend, who happens to be a girl. It made me laugh.

And, uh, yeah. So I'm kinda tired and really not in the mood to go to work tomorrow but I need too since I have another doctor's appointment next week.

School starts soon! I don't know if I'm excited or not!

oh, and drawing today!

Tristan after she gets her prosthetic arms. The forearms aren't solid, I'm just lazy. 

And uh, yea. Hope everyone's summer is going well and stuff. 

Hair cut.

I've been thinking of a hair cut, recently. I don't like my hair long, its unmanageable. I wonder if i would look good with short hair?

I'm super jealous of people who can pull off pixie cuts and bobs. ):

Oh well.

No drawing for today. Have been super moody lately and unwilling to really speak or draw.

I'm feeling restless. I want to go to Michigan's Adventure or something again. Going there really makes me feel happy, which, lately, has been happening less and less.

I mean, I don't even laugh at movies anymore. I can't. Sometimes I pretend laugh so I don't stick out.

Also, fuck you hot and humid weather.

Tristen

Click to enlarge

Aumji has been on my case recently to make a comic. I actually have three comic ideas written down but none were simple enough to make a one shot. But, going through my sketches I found this character and I decided I needed to use her.

Her name is Tristen. She lost her arms in a near-fatal shark attack. Her family can't afford prosthetics so they made her a bulking arm that has a ball and chain attached, used to kill thieves and stuff.

I have the first fifteen pages or so written out, and working on some draft pages. I have each of the three major arcs that compose the story summarized. I have a general idea of the story and pacing. I have the characterizations set. So, I'm feeling good about this comic. The hardest part is drawing her damn arm. ): I think I'll just upload the comic here to blogger though.

To explain her pose, since I know its awkward looking: Her left arm has a very heavy chain and ball attached to it. She's leaning to her right to better balance her body. Her corset there is actually made of steel to support her upright and for protection.

I spent the whole day inking this. So, I think the inking is really clean. The image is really large so...yeah. Up there is just a zoomed out screen capture. I find it really hard to keep a messy lineart in photoshop. Sigh ):. Oh well.

TABLET IS FIXED

Okay so a while back my tablet kinda busted. The usb port part was fucked up.

BUT I FIXED IT.

:D So now, update!

yeah, its really bad. I really REALLY don't like this cg. Like, loathe it. But it was too far along for me not to upload it so...Eh, enjoy. Its my character Ashley. 

I obviously have been playing with the photoshop gradient tool. hur hur.

SO, HOW IS EVERYONE? STILL WELL? READY FOR SCHOOL? SEXY?

Weird ass dream

okay, no actual art today but I had this weird ass but awesome dream last night and I want to write it down before I forget.

Okay, so, like. Man, I don't even know where to start. I can't remember the beginning of the dream. Reggie and I and her dad ( D8 I dunno) were walking around in this empty building when all of the sudden the steps started moving and the windows were warped and shit. Reggie says that she thinks there's a spirit following her. I say, "Oh, I know a dude that could help. His name is Ighrun."

So we go off to Ighrun who is apparently a homeless man in a junkyard. Next to the junk yard are a bunch of kids playing with cans. We show up and I'm like "I wonder if Ighrun is still alive". He then shows up. I mentioned that I forgot to ring that can to make sure he knew we were around, but he said it was fine.

At this point I'd like to mention that I had a nostalgic feeling about this Ighrun. I think he's appeared in my dreams before and I just don't remember. Hm.

Anyhoo, we start talking and Ighrun mentions that a powerful spirit is, indeed, haunting Reggie and her family (seriously, wtf was your dad doing there). He says the only way to settle things with the spirit is to go back to the place of the spirit's death. I'm all "WELL I don't even know where to start..." with Reggie saying, "I know exactly who's doing this."

WAY TO KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE DREAM.

So we go to what I imagine was Reggie's old hold that my mind cooked up. It was a four story mansion. It even had an elevator. Except there was no elevator and there was only an elevator shaft. The house itself was in pretty bad shape. Falling apart and all that. Anyway, according to Dream!Reggie a terrible incident happened here long before she met me. She tells me she used to have a little sister who fell down the elevator shaft and died a terrible death.

Even Dream!Nini was all, "When were you planning on telling me this? ):<"

"Never, it still haunts me...seeing her dead..."

Then I realized Dream!Nini was a bitch when I said, "Ha! 8D She really is haunting you!"

):

Carrying on we begin to look around for...something. I don't know. We're walking and then the house starts shifting with steps moving and floorboards coming to attack us and shit. Dream!Reggie, being ominous as she is, walks up to the top level and opens the elevator doors. I'm ask, "What are you planning to do?"

She responds, "The only thing I can do." (Hey, Reggie, my dream made sure you were really ooc D: )

And she fucking jumped. I run to the elevator shaft that apparently grew like 90 floors. Used to be a four story house, jeez. So Dream!Reggie's falling and then at the bottom is a little girl, except she's dead. And bloody. And very dead. I watch in horror as Reggie collides with the dead girl and then a bright light. And then they are BOTH alive and well.

So, Dream!Reggie apparently has a little sister who was once dead but now isn't. At this point her mom walks in and is all "We should move back to this house. I like it better".

And then Dream!Reggie is all, "Hey, I'm hungry."

So we go off to get some tacos.

What. In. The. Fuck.

I did leave out a few nonsensical parts. Like the one part where, even though the sister is alive Reggie's still being haunted and then WE turn into ghosts and see the 'real' version of the dilapidated mansion. Kinda cool.

Oh, and the part in the amusement park where everyone dies because Dream!Reggie's little sister is bitter.

And the part where we tailgate a family to the Mexican restaurant where we got our tacos.

Yeah. Weird ass dream.