A Speech

Tomorrow I have to give a speech on myself. As an 'icebreaker' as the teacher said. 2-3 minutes long. I ask Reggie to help me figure out what to say.

This was her response:

WELL SHIT SON

YOU SHOULD SAY

"HEY PEOPLE. I AM NINI. YOU CAN CALL ME GOD. I'M PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME. HERE ARE SOME WAYS IN WHICH I AM COOLER THAN YOU

1) I CAN FRY EGGS WITH MY MIND

2) I SING A CAPELLA SO WELL I HAVE MADE GROWN, NORDIC MEN WEEP WITH MY GLORY

3) ONE TIME, I WADED ACROSS A RIVER THAT WAS SO DEEP YOU WOULD HAVE TO CALK THE WAGON IN OREGON TRAIL. WHY? TO A SAVE FIVE ORPHANS AND A LITTER OF NEWLY BORN KITTENS.

4) I BENT A SOLID STEEL BAR IN HALF AT THE AGE OF 4

5) I DO NOT NEED TO CONSUME ANY SORT OF WATER TO LIVE

I HOPE THIS WAS ENLIGHTENING TO YOU ALL

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS YOU CAN CONTACT AT THIS NUMBER ON TUESDAYS, WHICH IS THE ONLY DAY I OFF FROM THE PENTAGON.

THANK YOU.

That should be your speech.

PS: ALL OF THE ORPHANS I SAVED WERE PUT INTO THE CARE OF ANGELINA JOLIE

Thanks a lot, Reggie. This will be the BEST SPEECH EVAR.