Thursday, July 21, 2011
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Okay so i just need to rant because I am sick and tired of having this bottled up.
I've ranted about this before but fuck everyone. I need this to be said and just skip it.
How can someone say "oh you're beautiful even if you're fat" if they've never been fat? Or "you look fine" if they have severe body hair? I don't even get it HOW. Like, it feels so damn dishonest, doesn't it?
Oh you look fine because even though I'm not afflicted with it I'm hoping my half assed pity would make you feel better.
Its sick and I don't even know how honest people are. I know I have trust issues but I feel whenever my friends say it doesn't bother them its such an outright lie.
Body hair is disgusting, on both male and female. But at the degree I have...its just wrong, isn't it? It looks and feels wrong. It's full of things that should never happen to a female, and its unfair. For years I wish I could be a boy just so this issue...this stupid fucking nightmare would go away. But its not that easy. I have such a hatred for it it made me gender fucking confused. What.
I guess its because it seems belittling. Like. "Oh but it looks fine" ignore the inner hellish turmoil that is tearing the person apart.
"I don't even notice it." is one of my least fave lines. Its a lie. An outright lie. Its not anything but a lie. I look at it and I tear up because its the biggest and cruelest lie.
How can you say that to me when its there, it exists, and its damaged my life and identity so much?
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I honestly don't notice it though. And you know I wouldn't lie about that shit.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm a hell of a lot fatter than you and I think both you and I look pretty damn good. And other people find fat people attractive as well, including people who are not fat themselves.
It's true a lot of the time people might not know or understand the pain you're going through but if they say "I don't notice it" or "I think you're beautiful" they're talking about the way THEY view you. They can't change how you view yourself. I am sure that some people have been cruel about your weight or body hair but fuck those people. Seriously just FUCK THOSE PEOPLE, why even value them if they're going to be like that? And that damage lasts, but you are doing just as much damage TO YOURSELF by telling yourself things like this. How you feel about yourself is under your control, and it takes a lot of time and work to work through body image issues, but if you keep putting yourself down you're doing it to yourself.
Seriously Nini, I am saying that I think you're beautiful and I am being honest about that, and I hope some day you will be able to see what I see.
I agree with what Reggie said a lot, I'm sorry if it was insensitive to say you're beautiful or that body hair really wasn't that noticeable but it really wasn't to me. I'm not trying to say it doesn't exist- it does. But I still really don't notice it.
ReplyDeleteand I really do believe you're beautiful. You have a beautiful face and you know what, I might be biased because I'm your friend and know *you* but you truly are a very pretty girl.
On the flip side, I can understand what you're getting at. With mental illness (I'm sorry it always comes back to this,) you're often told "you look happy" or "you don't look messed up/crazy" and "you have such a great life with everything you need" which automatically seems to cancel out how the person feels inside and makes them go into a slight identity crisis. "Do I really have a problem? Is it really there? They say they can't tell. Maybe I'm being dramatic." etc.
so basically I'm sorry I'm a bit defensive in this, but I truly do believe you're a beautiful girl. I promise I'm not lying when I say I didn't notice it and that I think you're pretty. I gain nothing from it, I'm just sad to hear that it could come off like this.
I apologize if I've been insensitive to you. It's not something I've thought about before but now that I have, I can really understand how it'd be from the receivers pov.
-Hannah
this kind of upsets me actually? not everyone bases beauty off of weight or hairlessness or whatever. i have never had a weight problem nor have i ever had a problem with excess body hair but i still think you are beautiful and you surely know i am telling the truth because i am not a dishonest person and i do not say things just to make someone feel better. i do not have to have blue eyes to think that blue eyes are beautiful, so why would i have to be overweight to think that an overweight person is beautiful? i certainly know plenty of people who are not thin but still find thin people attractive, so why is it not ok if it's reversed? and if your reasoning is that being thin is not viewed as a flaw while being overweight is a flaw, you're severely mistaken because i know a lot of people who find thin girls horrendously unattractive.
ReplyDeletenot everyone has the same concept of beauty and because of that there really are going to be people out there who don't notice someone's weight or how much hair they have. not everyone says "oh i didn't even notice it" just to be nice; a lot of people seriously just don't notice it.
i hope this doesn't sound rude or anything because i'm not trying to upset you, i'm just saying that simply because your weight or hair is the first thing about you that YOU notice doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be something that other people take notice of.