A thorough response to my previous post- I am sorry

I first want to apologize. I didn't think anyone still read this blog so its why I kind of just ranted to myself. I realize how 1) potentially hurtful my words are and 2) how dreadfully mean i am to myself and, by extension all my friends. It was written in the heat of a bad day and a conversation gone terrible. I, once again, apologize. Its not an excuse, but I really am sorry.

Now to tackle some of the issues I brought up.

With the fat thing: I don't know why I said that. I really don't. I do find men and women of all sizes beautiful and follow several blogs on tumblr about plus-sized models. So I do apologize for any hurt caused by that comment. I guess I needed a common enough analogy and it seemed to work in my head, but it doesn't.

And no, its not insensitive to compliment me or anything and it's something I guess I need to work on. To take the compliments at face value and not think on them too hard. I don't know why I do it, but i'll work on it. I know it isn't much, but i do love all my friends and I'm so sorry for the bullshit I said. Its like...just sometimes everything feels really fake and no matter what anyone says all you can understand is, "they must be mocking me because no way is that true".  But it's a personal issue that I need to work on and it is most definitely NOT fair that I took it out on my friends rather than be responsible for my issues.

I am not always this bitter about compliments, I am honestly not. Most times I'm flattered. But that day I don't know what was wrong. Essentially a temper tantrum, I suppose.

I guess I want to reiterate this: NO ONE NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. I need to do all the apologizing since this is my fuck up and my bullshit. None of you who responded have treated me as anything other than a friend. And I really do appreciate it. I'm the one apologizing here because I put an unfair about of spite towards you all when it was undeserving.

To Aummy specifically:

No, you have every right to be upset by what I said since it was horribly unfair, biased, and just putrid shit. And you caught some of the huge logic messes that resulted from my hate filled post.

I don't know how to explain what led to me making that post. I guess the best summary of it was bitterness and jealousy. While the post mentioned weight, that wasn't my issue. I'm overweight but I am not as bothered by it as much as others. I think most of the post is on the hair thing.

And for that there isn't a support group or a movement to accept it. Its just always kinda something that isn't an issue until someone has it in excess. Even my brother shaves since my family's genetics are just predisposed to being half gorilla it seems LOL.

I know people have different bases as to what they consider beautiful and not. Different preferences. I guess I'm confused/bitter/jealous/frustrated that there's no such thing as "i like hirsute females" because its not commonly accepted outside of "the bearded woman" ya know? Its an issue I need to either come to terms with or spend a ridiculous amount of money to get laser hair surgery. Which, right now, i'm leaning towards the latter since I don't think I'll ever accept this.

Eklfjdlg this ended up being a lot longer than I wanted to. I just really wanted to say I'm sorry and what I wrote was straight up bullshit. It was horribly insensitive and just offensive in general. I'll keep it up as a reminder to myself about what i need to work on tho.