for the first time in years i cried today

i guess everything comes down to its 8 days before the end of the semester
and my laptop is shot
and i just really want to drive off the fucking bridge
i'm so tired of nothing ever working out
and i'm sorry mom for fucking having emotions
i'm sorry for wanting five fucking minutes to be upset
five minutes
fiveminutes is all i asked
i think i should just give up soon this is just me trying to make a good situation with something that'll never work out

I had a previous entry about self hate and all that bullshit but deleted it, hopefully before anyone read it. In its place I wish to say a few things:

I think it is time I've grown up and some letting people emotionally manipulate me. I'm not merely 'existing' as a friend so kindly said. I am alive, and living. I am not some husk of a human because I don't find enjoyment in sex and drinking. This same friend also told me that at any point I seem hesitant and cautious about my presence. Look, I may have social anxiety but I am not some shy shrinking violet. I make myself known.

I cannot believe I let myself become even more depressed over this bullshit. I am who I am, and while I'm in a bit of a rough patch, I'll fucking work it out. But I don't need people telling me that I'm not living. I am living. Every goddamn day.

To say the least, its time I confront a few people about the shit they do to me.

Forgot to upload these here! Just figure studies.

Finished!

Finally finished this one! working on the next one.

making slow progress

Thankfully this wont have a background so I'm almost done. I need to do a lot more refining and then add smaller details -feathers in her hair, a few skulls and bones, and some tattoos. Oh and dried blood on everything. I have since taking this screen shot fixed her arms, especially those pesky elbows. I fixed her left left (our right) and her hand. you can kinda see down there this is zoomed out to 16.67% lol.

School starts in like a week and a half! So nervous and I don't want to go ): sob!